Courage

I thought a lot about courage this morning and the role it plays in my life.

I read a book that once suggested the only two states of being are in fear or love. Ultimately, I think this is true.

My personal relationship with fear and love came to me this morning as I realized that a lot of the way I view myself has to do with if I am acting in courage (love) or fear (cowardice). I seemed to like courage as a way of making positivity seem like a mission or quest, or maybe I started out by having an actual disdain for fear.

A great resilience to having negative self talk is the fact that I have done a lot of things in life long term that were exercises of courage and conquering fear. When I was in middle and high school I was really nervous around girls and I made myself talk to them. I thought wrestling was the scariest sport I could think of, so I made it my passion for a while. I thought computer science and programming was the hardest thing to conquer with my mind, and it scared me that I couldn’t comprehend it, so I made it my major in high school and college.

It can lead down some negative roads. I liked drinking and stealing and smoking cause it was a thrill of courage to risk getting caught doing these things.

Ultimately this thought pattern can lead to the highest thing because the truth is that it takes courage to choose God. Faith is an act of courage. While I know God is real and sometimes I can feel that and it’s easy to know in my heart, other times I am tempted by the strongest doubts because my brain is flesh, and I live here on earth and I am subject to the flaws that come with that.

But it seems there’s a weird trick that works to overcome this, which is understanding my fears consciously, externalizing what they are. Just looking at them sitting on paper makes me able to observe them, and perhaps even remember that I can choose courage, I can choose Love.

When I think about this it activates a deep part of me. I really identify with this, and I enjoy applying it to my Faith so much because I truly believe nothing is above God. It activates a part of me that is so stubborn and refuses to do anything but be courageous, whatever that may be, and that is one of my favorite aspects of myself.

I am no more courageous than anyone else necessarily, and this article comes out of seeing myself act in fear and judge myself for that and needing to make it conscious why I feel the way I do. I cannot master fear 100 percent in this lifetime, however I can master it a little beyond my limitations each day. I think it can become an avenue to help people and relate to anyone, because everyone has things they fear and could use inspiration standing up to in their life. Even if I don’t relate to it personally, I like to understand what that is and then I can relate simply to the emotional journey of admitting the fear and overcoming it.